Florida Man Weekly Roundup: Deadly Missiles, Bogus Bladders & the License Plate That Broke the Internet — July 17, 2026
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Happy Friday, Florida fans! 🐊🌴
Another week in the Sunshine State, another batch of headlines that remind us all why Florida Man is a national treasure. From Fourth of July fireworks that got a little too patriotic to a license plate that has an entire Pompano Beach retirement community cracking up, this week delivered the goods. Let's get into it.
🎆 Florida Man Shoots Fireworks at Cars on I-95 — From a Moving Vehicle
In what the St. Johns County Sheriff's Office described as "truly Florida Man fashion," a passenger was caught on helicopter camera launching fireworks from his car window at other vehicles on I-95 near St. Augustine on July 4th.
The sheriff's air unit filmed the whole thing from above — fireworks flying out of the southbound vehicle (which was also towing a boat, naturally), landing in the median and skipping across into oncoming northbound lanes. The chopper followed the vehicle for 10 miles before deputies pulled it over.
When confronted, the occupants denied shooting any fireworks. That's when the deputy pointed up at the helicopter that had been tracking them the entire time. Surprise! 🚁
The passenger was arrested and charged with shooting a deadly missile from a moving vehicle — which is an actual Florida statute and possibly the most Florida charge in existence.
Source: News4Jax
🚽 Florida Man's 'Pee-Brained' Whizzinator Scheme Goes Horribly Wrong
James Shepard, 52, of Palm Coast, showed up to his court-ordered drug test on July 14 with a plan. Unfortunately for him, it was a terrible plan.
First problem: he drove there on a suspended license, which violated the felony probation he was already serving for a string of burglaries and thefts. Deputies arrested him on the spot.
Second problem: strapped to his body was what the Flagler County Sheriff's Office called a "jerry-rigged Whizzinator" — a fake bladder filled with fake urine, wired to a heating pad, complete with a faux appendage to make the sample look legit.
On the way to jail, Shepard complained about a sore shoulder, so the deputy kindly moved his handcuffs to the front. Shepard repaid that courtesy by using his freed hands to yank the whole contraption out of his pants and fling it onto the floorboard of the patrol car.
When the deputy asked about the mysterious wet apparatus on his floor, Shepard said it wasn't his. The deputy wasn't buying it: "I clean this car every day. I would know if there was a pee bag in my car."
The in-car camera caught the whole thing. Shepard now faces charges for driving without a license, probation violation, defrauding a drug test, and tampering with evidence. He's being held without bond.
Sheriff Rick Staly summed it up: "This pee-brain dirtbag had already been given the deal of a lifetime." 💀
Source: ClickOrlando
🍑 Pompano Beach Grandma Gets 'SQZ A55' License Plate — Decides to Keep It
Right here in our hometown of Pompano Beach, 76-year-old Nancy Dello Stritto opened her mail expecting a routine vehicle registration renewal. Instead, she got a randomly assigned license plate that reads "SQZ A55."
Yes, that SQZ A55.
"I went ballistic," she told CBS News Miami. "How could that pass inspection?"
The plate — manufactured at a state prison in North Florida and mailed from the Broward County Property Tax Collector's Office — has made Dello Stritto the talk of her retirement community. Her 89-year-old neighbor's review? Simply: "Good."
The unofficial vote among her family and friends is 16-1 in favor of keeping the plate. And Dello Stritto, who could exchange it for free, has decided to roll with it.
"I'm resigned to it; maybe it was destined to be on my car," she said. "I can handle it if I get a few honks here and there. Actually, being over 70, I might like a few honks." 😂
This story went worldwide — the BBC, Dexerto, Townhall, and every outlet in between picked it up. Pompano Beach: where even the DMV has a sense of humor.
Source: CBS News Miami
🎮 Florida Man Hides Crypto Malware in Video Games — Gets Busted by His Uber Eats Orders
Zyaire Wilkins, 21, of North Lauderdale, thought he'd pulled off the perfect digital heist: embed malware in Steam games, wait for gamers to download them, and quietly drain their crypto wallets. The scheme infected roughly 8,000 devices and siphoned at least $220,000 in cryptocurrency between 2024 and early 2026.
So how did the FBI finally track him down? Uber Eats. 🍕
Agents traced the stolen crypto to a gift card service and found over 150 purchases — mostly for food delivery. When they asked Uber where the orders went, the deliveries led straight to Wilkins' home and his college addresses.
The infected games — with names like BlockBlasters, Lunara, and PirateFi — have all been removed from Steam. Wilkins allegedly paid $10,000 for the Trojan program, which, given the $220K haul, was treated more like a business investment than a hobby.
He now faces up to 10 years in federal prison for conspiracy to obtain information by computer for financial gain. Maybe stick to DoorDash next time. 🤷
Source: Dexerto
🐢 Florida Man Lists Endangered Sea Turtle Shell on Facebook Marketplace for $2,700
If you're going to try to sell something illegal, maybe don't do it on the platform where your mom can see it.
Addison Mullen, 63, of Lake Worth Beach, allegedly posted a "rare turtle shell" on Facebook Marketplace for $2,700, describing it as being in "perfect condition." A Boynton Beach police officer spotted the listing and tipped off the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission.
When FWC officers showed up at Mullen's home on July 1, he acknowledged having the shell but refused to show it without a search warrant and claimed he had "paperwork" for it — which he also refused to provide.
A judge approved the warrant, and officers returned on July 6 to find the shell sitting on a shelf. A biologist at the FWC Field Lab confirmed it belonged to an Atlantic hawksbill sea turtle — the rarest sea turtle species that regularly occurs in Florida and protected under both state and federal endangered species laws.
Mullen still couldn't produce any documentation. He now faces a third-degree felony for offering to sell a protected marine turtle part. Florida Man: where even your Marketplace hustle can land you a felony. 🐢
Source: CBS12
🌴 Stay True, Stay Local
Another week, another reminder that Florida is the greatest show on Earth — no ticket required. Whether you're shooting fireworks from a moving car, rocking a surprise license plate, or just trying to keep your turtle shell hustle under wraps, the Sunshine State never disappoints.
Rep the lifestyle with our Florida Man Mugshot Booking Report tee or grab a lid from our hat collection. 🧢
See you next Friday for another round of Florida's finest. 🍊