Florida Man Weekly Roundup: Superman Robs a Boat and a Neighbor Breaks In to Make a Margarita — July 31, 2026

Happy Friday, Florida. This week the Sunshine State served up a caped crusader with a crowbar habit, a neighbor who broke in for cocktail service, a firefighter who needed rescuing from a toddler's car, a 77-year-old armed with a pool skimmer, and a man celebrating 25 years of code violations with fiberglass sculpture. Nobody got hurt. Everybody got weirder. Let's ride. 🌴🐊

1. Look, Up in the Sky — It's a Guy Stealing Power Tools 🦸

Hillsborough County deputies arrested James Tidwell after he allegedly helped himself to power tools out of a stranger's boat cabin. The twist: he was dressed as Superman when the cuffs came out. Body camera footage caught the Man of Steel calmly admitting he'd taken several items from the vessel, which is not, to our knowledge, part of the Justice League code of conduct.

He was booked on felony burglary of an unoccupied conveyance and first-degree petit theft, and bonded out at $5,500. Kryptonite: paperwork.

Source: TMZ

2. Jupiter Man Breaks Into House, Immediately Starts Bartending 🍹

A Jupiter woman woke up around 6:30 a.m. to her dogs losing their minds. She grabbed her firearm, went downstairs, and found 30-year-old Geoffrey Bartimus heading for the back door. He apologized and hopped the fence with a towel wrapped around his head.

The evidence he left behind on the kitchen counter is the greatest crime scene in recent Florida history: open bottles of Svedka and Milagro tequila, a knife, and one freshly cut lime. Ring footage reportedly showed him trying the front door earlier — while already holding a six-pack. A K-9 unit tracked him straight back to his own house down the street. He told police he'd been asleep all morning after breakfast and a couple of beers.

Sir. You made a margarita. In someone else's kitchen. At dawn. Uninvited. That is a felony and a lifestyle.

Source: 97X

3. Firefighter Gets Stuck in a Toddler's Car, Considers Calling Firefighters 🚗

A clip posted by Florida TikTok creator Haley Scenna (@palgalhal) blew past a million views this week: a fully grown man wedged into a tiny red-and-yellow plastic kids' car, slowly realizing that getting in was the easy part. At one point he floats the only strategy available to him — "Does the top come off?"

Best detail: Scenna later revealed the man trapped in her nephew's toy car is himself a firefighter. Even Walmart showed up in the comments asking how we got here. Commenters had a fair point too: with gas prices, honestly, respect.

Source: The Nerd Stash

4. The 77-Year-Old Who Fights Surveillance With a 12-Foot Pool Skimmer 🏊

St. Petersburg's Carl Gunn, 77, is not a fan of the Flock license plate readers going up around his neighborhood. But he's not smashing anything. Instead, he taped a sign reading "DOWN WITH FLOCK CAMERAS" to the end of a 12-foot pool skimmer and used it to block the camera's view — while lounging in a camping chair holding an umbrella in his other hand.

"They don't own the air," Gunn told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay. "If they want to do it for profit, I want my paycheck." He's staged at least two of these one-man protests. Two St. Pete squad cars rolled up during one of them, and a passing local yelled "Yo, what's your name? I'll come bail you out!" No case for Gunn turned up in Pinellas County court records, so as far as we can tell the pool skimmer remains undefeated.

Peak Florida energy: full civil disobedience, zero property damage, maximum patio furniture.

Source: Futurism

5. Seminole County's "Junk Man" Celebrates 25 Years of Code Violations With a Six-Foot Butt 🍑

Alan Davis has been feuding with Seminole County neighbors over his famously unsightly yard for a quarter century. To commemorate the anniversary of his very first county code violation, he built a new fiberglass sculpture for the property: a six-foot-tall human buttocks.

Twenty-five years of consistency. A commemorative art installation. Local news asking viewers to decide whether he's the world's most annoying neighbor. This man has a whole bit and he is committed to it.

Source: News 6 / ClickOrlando

The Weekly Verdict 🏆

The Superman burglary has the visuals, the pool skimmer protest has the philosophy, but the margarita break-in wins on pure craftsmanship. He didn't just steal liquor — he prepped a garnish.

Wear the lifestyle: our Florida Man tees and hats are made right here in Pompano Beach for people who understand.

Check back next Friday — Florida never takes a week off. 🐊