Florida Man Weekly Roundup: Stolen Patrol Car Road Trip & the 25-Step Sobriety Hike — September 25, 2026

Another week, another masterclass in living life without a rulebook. Florida Man and Florida Woman showed up, clocked in, and delivered — so grab a cold one, kick off the flip-flops, and enjoy this week's finest.

🚓 Florida Woman Takes a BSO Patrol Car on a 90-Mile Road Trip

Some people rent a car for a weekend getaway. One Fort Lauderdale woman allegedly just borrowed a marked Broward Sheriff's Office cruiser from outside BSO headquarters. Deputies say 42-year-old Shannon Marie Dillon drove it more than 90 miles up I-95 before it turned up abandoned on the Gatlin Boulevard exit ramp in Port St. Lucie — and she was found nearby wearing a BSO ballistic vest. Nothing was missing from the car, and she reportedly laughed through her court hearing. Road trip vibes: immaculate. Judgment: less so.

Source: SFL Media

🎃 The "Michael Myers" Heist Undone by a Giggle

In Inverness, a liquor store clerk reported a masked robber in a Michael Myers mask demanded cash while she "froze in fear." Then Citrus County deputies watched the security video — and she was laughing. The mask also didn't match her description of the guy at all. A Crime Stoppers tip led to the masked man, who allegedly admitted the whole thing was an inside job the clerk dreamed up. Both are now behind bars. Pro tip: if you stage a horror-movie robbery, maybe don't play it as a comedy.

Source: Tampa Free Press

🥾 Told to Take 9 Steps, Florida Man Takes 25

Marion County deputies asked a DUI suspect for nine heel-to-toe steps. He gave them 25 — basically a nature hike — then turned around and asked, "Is that nine?" The deputy's reply: "You were supposed to be counting." The alphabet didn't go much better. He was arrested for DUI and refusing a breath test. Nobody was hurt, but his step count is now a matter of public record.

Source: Tampa Free Press

🐕 Airport Zoomies Dog Lands a Forever Home

Jet the stray went viral after tearing around the tarmac at Naples Airport like he had a flight to catch. Days later, Yvonne Worrel — who'd seen the video — spotted the very same pup at a local animal shelter and took him home. Cleared for landing. 🛬

Source: The Washington Post

🔥 Four-Foot-Ten of Pure Firefighter

A Florida firefighter named Autumn is officially the shortest female firefighter in the world, per Guinness World Records — 4 ft 10 in, shorter than Napoleon. It started as a firehouse joke, then somebody looked it up. Five years on the job, and she's proof that Florida heroes come in every size.

Source: Guinness World Records

🌴 Rep the Legend

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That's a wrap! Check back next Friday for more Florida Man news — he never takes a week off. 🐊